Monday, January 27, 2014

The Most Brutally Honest Reasons You SHOULD Have Kids

Whoa, it's been a while since I've logged on and written anything! We've been crazy busy!

The reason I've come out of my hibernation is because I saw this ridiculous article on called, The Most Brutally Honest Reasons You Should Never Have Kids. 

This article lays out the "horrifying" reasons why you should not have children, yet it's written by a 20-something year-old who CLEARLY has no idea what she is talking about. The author is brutally criticizing life with children, but really she seems to be thinking like a selfish child herself. One sentence sums it up well: "As I spend my twenties wrapped up in my career, friends and nights out, I find myself dizzy over the thought of finding room in my life for someone else." The critique would almost be funny if the author was actually a parent herself OR if she had any idea what life is like when you actually have children. Alas, she is so wrapped up in her own world that she cannot fathom how anyone can actually waste one's own social life and freedom for kids (horrible creatures)! The HORROR OF IT ALL!

So, for all of you who are teetering on the edge of doom and trying to decide whether or not having children really is worth it, here is my rebuttal. I am a mother of three, and I can honestly say that every one of my children are like precious jewels to me. Even though it's a lot of work raising children (and a lot of sleepless nights), every single moment is worth the "death of my social life". 

So, without further ado, my experienced mommy rebuttal...

The Most Brutally Honest Reasons You SHOULD Have Kids

(A rebuttal against the the article, The Most Brutally Honest Reasons You Should Never Have Kids).

1) "You’ll Most Likely Screw Them Up" You'll most likely make them human...let's face it, we're all screwed up...but if you show them love and tell them that you love them, teach them how to love others more than they love themselves, how to be responsible, how to work hard, and how to be moral, they'll be just fine. (btw, These are all things that Jesus tells us to do, and teaching them to love Jesus is probably the best thing you can do for them. I challenge you to go look it up.)

2) "You Will Go Broke" You will invest in some of the most precious treasures in your life. Kids are not an expensive accessory, so don't treat them like one. They are an investment into the World's future. They are your most important legacy.

3) "Your life will never be yours again" Your life already revolves around your relationships with other people, so why not revolve it around some of the most loving people in your life? A benefit to having children is that they are probably the only ones that will help you when you are older. Your friends will change and die, but your children will be there until the end. (especially if you treat them well). You say that our lives as parents becomes a "distant piece of who [we] once were", like we are exchanging our glorious past for something decrepit.  That's ridiculous. Everything changes, but for the better! To be honest, I look back at my younger, more carefree, skinnier self in pictures and see a stranger.  A young, naive, proud version of myself that had no clue about life, had confidence issues, whose mind was so wrapped up in her own little world that she was blind to what was going on around her.  I like the new me better.  I'm sure I'll like the future me even more.

4) "They Will Resent You" They will always love you (especially if you show them love). The love between a parent and child is priceless. When they are hurt, they come running to mom or dad, no matter what age or station in life. Even now, with children of my own, I know I can always run to my mom and dad if I need them.

5) "Your relationships will deteriorate" Your relationships will be enriched because having kids makes you more humble and loving. Before kids, I was a more selfish person. Since having kids, I have become a more selfless, more humble, more loving, more forgiving, and more compassionate person. And that doesn't just resonate with my children and my husband. It affects all of my relationships. I love my family and friends more, and in turn, I feel that they have become closer to me.

6) "You can't be spontaneous" With kids, life is ALWAYS spontaneous!! No, you can't take a three month vacation or move to France on a whim, but really, what responsible adult can truly take a 3 month vacation from any job? And if you have a good reason to move to France, you can move to France...if it is a responsible decision. With kids, every day is an adventure, especially to them! You can see life through their eyes. Make a cardboard castle, become dancing princesses, learn about outer space and far away planets, read a book and dive into a new world full of magic and purple dragons. Everything is new to a child, and if you take the time to show them, you can live spontaneously every day!

7) "You Have To Love Them Even When They’re Assh*les" What a selfish comment. How about you turn that comment around and point that back right at yourself. It will be better when you realize that they will love YOU even when YOU are an assh*ole. The benefit to having a family is that family will love you even on those days when you treat them like crap. At least, that is what family SHOULD do, and that is what my family does when I treat them like crap. Forgiveness is a great thing to teach your kids, and the best way to teach them forgiveness is to continue to ask THEM for forgiveness when YOU mess up. Because you will. A lot.

8) "You’ll Still Be Paying Your Student Loans When You Have To Start Paying For Theirs" You can teach them to be wise with their money and pay their own loans and actually contribute to the World...First of all, the responsible person would pay off their loans quickly, save up, and spend their money wisely. It shouldn't take until your 60 years old to pay off school loans...if you are responsible. Second, a responsible parent will teach their children how to pay off their own loans. If the parent wants to help a bit, that's fine, but you shouldn't completely pay off someone's debt. How will THEY learn to be responsible?

9) "They Could Disappoint You In Big Ways" They can ALSO make you the proudest person in the world...every day! When your child learns something new, shares a toy with the little boy at the library, tells you they love you without being prompted, gets a good grade on the difficult math test, or just does something really nice out of the blue, they make you the proudest person in the world! It beats anything great you have done in your own life because that is YOUR child, and he or she is just beginning to show you what kind of person they are going to be and the possibility of what they can do in this world! There is no greater feeling than that of a proud mommy or daddy. And when they disappoint you, always remember that those times are experiences that they can learn from and become a better person.

10) "You Have To Relive High School". Not all teenagers are completely selfish and immature. If your life is full of drama, chances are, you'll pass that on to your kids. So if you don't act like you're in High school, neither will your kids. See rebuttal #1.

11) "They Ruin Your Body" If you are a woman with kids, your body becomes more curvy, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn to embrace those curves! Also, if you are married, your husband will love those curves. Also, it doesn't take much to lose the weight if you drop the bread and eat a carrot. Just sayin'.

12) "You Have No More Free Time" Does an adult really have that much free time to begin with between work and sleep? When you have kids, your free time is full of laughter and tickles, and the occasional date night or night out with your girlfriends. You make the time to spend with your friends or spouse. It's not that difficult.

13) "You Will Always Be Financially Responsible" Seriously...if a parent is paying for their 26 year old adult child's phone bill, that's the parent's fault. Teach your kids to be responsible, and they will be responsible. Teach the child to pay their own bills, and they will work hard to pay their own bills. When I was 19, I was working and paying off half of my college tuition. When I turned 21, I got married, and I took over all of my bills with my husband. When I was 22, I bought my first house with my husband. My goodness! Yes, parents can help out, but there comes a point when you have to cut the strings and let them make their own choices, pay for their own rent, pay for their own phone bill, learn from their own mistakes, and become responsible adults. That doesn't happen one day when they turn 26. It happens over time as you teach them how to be responsible, how to work hard, how to spend their money wisely.

14) "None Of Your Friends Without Kids Will Ever Want To Hang Out With You" This is the biggest lie! I've had 3 kids in three years, and I have more friends now than ever. Your friends without kids will not understand completely everything you go through, but if you are truly a friend to them, and if they are truly your friend, then they will stick by you and you will stick by them. Maybe the real problem is that these friends don't know what true friendship is, and if that's the case, it's better to find friends that will truly love you. And MAYBE if you agree with the authors statement, then maybe you need a lesson on what true friendship is before YOU abandon your friends with kids. PLUS, when you start having kids, your circle of friends grows as you get involved with play-date groups, mommy groups, or go to PTA meetings. And it won't be too long until your friends without kids start having kids of their own. If you stick by them during those years when they don't have kids, you will be the first person they come to when they do start having kids.

15) "You Can’t Smoke Weed Or Get Drunk" You shouldn't smoke weed or get drunk...period. That's not good for you. You do stupid things when you are drunk or high, and this ruins your body...(wasn't that an issue for you before?) So if having children makes you a more responsible adult, isn't that a good thing?

16) "You’re Gonna Be That Person In The Minivan" I ROCK my minivan, thank you very much! AND if I ever get into a car crash, I will survive over the cool guy in the tiny sports car.

17) "Personal Space Doesn’t Exist" I have 3 kids, and my personal space certainly does exist. Bathroom doors lock, bedroom doors lock, and there are people called Babysitters. Put the kids to bed early and the TV will be yours. Oh, and the romantic nights WILL happen.  How do you think I ended up with 3 kids? 

Having kids is so worth it!!! Don't believe this garbage written by a 20-something adult child who has no clue what it is like to have children!


  1. You're a wise young mom, Cameron! You said everything I would have said, and much more nicely. :)

  2. Awesome blog! :) It's always nice to hear the positives about being a parent before you actually become one. I've always wanted kids. We don't have any yet, but we still love kids and people with kids...and even other people without kids.

  3. I'm on the fence here. I have one child, after spending most of my teens and early/mid 20's swearing I'd never have kids. I have to say, that you don't HAVE to go either way. I have one kid, and still have quite a few child-free friends. I also have friends who have more kids than I personally think is sane. I have to respond to a couple of these, just because I kind of disagree with you AND her. I'm going backwards here. 17) "Personal space doesn't exist". - No it really doesn't. I don't do hugs, or even like to touch ppl other than my husband. My son, however, totally ignores that this might even be a preference. Oddly, it doesn't bother me. Locked doors also present absolutely no problem for my Houdini. 16)" You're gonna be that person in the minivan"- SUV's exist for a reason. And the average sedan fits the average family of 4 just fine. 11) This I do agree with. They do ruin your body. It's a bizarre experience and your body will NEVER be the same. So will too much cake. 6), no you can't be spontaneous. Not in ways you are used to. Going to the movies requires planning. Having a night out requires planning. But sometimes, you will find yourself dancing with a toddler in the living room because he discovered the joy of shaking his booty. And that is perfectly ok. 2) "You will go broke". Ironically, we have MORE money now that we have a kid. Why? Because we grew up and realized we need to be adults now. and 1) "You will screw them up". Well I hope so. Otherwise, how on earth would they function in a screwed up world?
    That said, some ppl aren't designed to be parents. It isn't easy, it's frequently NOT FUN, and it is never-ending. There are no sick days, no calling off, no "i don't wanna" days. My life is way more chaotic, way less quiet, and way more insane than it was before child. I also laugh way more than I ever thought possible.

    1. Sarah, Thanks for you comment! Great thoughts! I think that everyone has their own experiences with having children. I'm writing from my own experience here in response to the opinions of the author referenced above. It seems like you have different experiences than me, along with some similar ones too. :)

      I totally agree that you don't have to have children, and I don't think that choosing this path makes someone selfish. I do have to say that people that choose not to have children miss out on some pretty awesome life-changing experiences, as you know.

      I did want to reply to one thing you mentioned. For a long time after my first child was born, I thought my body was completely ruined. Ruined for myself and ruined for my husband. According to what media was telling me, I was overweight and ugly. I didn't have the body of a 20 yr old anymore. After a slow process, I realized that I was not the same person I was before. I had grown in maturity and age, and looking back on that old person, I realized that I was ok with my looks then AND now. I actually began to like how I looked. I realized that my body was not ruined, it was just different. Just like my experiences haven't ruined me; they have changed me. For the better.

      Thanks for commenting! I really enjoyed reading a little bit about your story!


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